Mr. Pink's Blog

Vibrating on Another Dimension

In August of last year, I blogged about 3D Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy, Hong Kong’s highest grossing Category III (18-years-and-over) movie ever. At the time, I, like many of you, assumed the Sex & Zen series would likely end there and possibly be rebooted/remade/remastered in 3D. Nope. “Fuck that,” yawned producer of this three-dimensional pornographic phenomenon, Stephen Shiu “we need to find the next dimension!” And find it they did, giving it the rather uninspired name of 4. But just what is the fourth dimension? Well, according to early reports, it involves vibrating cinema seats. No shit?

With no release date in sight and little but a title, 4D Sex & Zen: Slayer of a Thousand from the Mysterious East, to toss to his buddies in the entertainment media, Shiu is nonetheless determined to have every viewer of his 4D opus buzzing along with every orgasmic thrust. While it sounds unlike anything you or I might have heard of before, vibrating cinema seats isn’t exactly a revolutionary idea. The first attempt at buzzing the butts of cinema patrons was made back in the aftermath of WW II to a rather pitiful reception.

So, really, isn’t this just another ploy to keep dollars flowing into cinemas and not the hands of bootleggers. Is there some way those who purchase 4D Sex & Zen on DVD or Blu-Ray will be able to enjoy the vibrations experienced by cinema-goers (without stealing their girlfriend’s rabbit)? I’m no expert and I can’t say for sure, but I’ll be sure to ask my friendly Chinatown DVD merchant the next time I drop by to pick up a Hong Sang-Soo DVD for a paltry $6 USD and wonder why I hardly ever go to the movies anymore

Porn for Saint Paddy

Now that we’ve all overcome our post-St. Patrick’s Day hangovers, how about a quick glance back in time to see what we all missed while downing pints of green beer and Guinness at our local taverns?

Brazzers, which holds a very impressive 94% rating from yours truly, presented its members with a scene starring Hailey Young, Ramon Nomar, and the most enviable little person this side of Warwick Davis. In the scene, Hailey, a nurse at O’Sullivan’s Mental Hospital for the Insane, happens upon a feisty lil’ leprechaun in the ER waiting room – naturally, he’s drunk – she reluctantly gets to work on helping him feel better. When things turn sexual, though, Hailey decides to let her fantasies take over by imagining the little Irish fella as handsome security guard Ramon, who gives her a right good plugging in every one of her saintly holes. Ah, nice one, Hailey!

Although definitely a red-white-and-blue pornsite from busty top to jam-packed bottom, Naughty America nonetheless got its members into the Irish festivities with a brand new scene starring Samantha Saint and the guy every woman in porn seems to love fucking, Johnny Sinns. Presented on Naughty America’s My Friend’s Hot Girl website, this scene decks the stunning Samantha out in a tartan skirt and green shirt, bra, panties, and even a green mini top-hat. She gets pretty annoyed with her boyfriend when he buggers off for a basketball game and decides to vent her frustration by fucking his friend Johnny, who has come calling in hopes of enjoying some drunken debauchery with the lads. The perfect way to celebrate St. Paddy’s day!

Also… nothing. Well, shit, folks. Of all the major adult sites, these two seemed to be the only ones looking out for their Irish members. Unless it’s too early to start drinking again, let’s raise our glasses to two of the best damn porn networks on the net, Brazzers and Naughty America. May they be in heaven a good thirty minutes before the devil even knows they’re dead. Sláinte!

Bree Olson: Naked for Kony 2012

Alongside his father Nick, George Clooney was arrested last Friday outside the Sudanese embassy in Washington D.C. during a protest organised to draw attention to Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir’s alleged bombing attacks on his own citizens, primarily in South Kordofan near Sudan’s border with newly independent South Sudan.

Like Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor, former pornstar Bree Olson felt compelled to take action after hearing of the Kony 2012 protest movement, a largely online protest encouraging further U.S. efforts to arrest Joseph Kony, leader of Ugandan guerilla group the Lord’s Resistance Army. Having been made aware of Kony’s International Criminal Court indictment for war crimes and violations of the human rights of his fellow citizens, most of which have now been well documented on respectable websites, Bree decided to cavort around on the beach in Los Angeles, wearing next to nothing, and upload a video to YouTube. As you do.

Informing her viewers of Kony’s horrific crimes while providing some rather absurd eye-candy – check out Bree’s facial expressions as she smears muddy sand around her neck and that “is she stoned or serious” look she gives while walking alongside one of LA’s ubiquitous chain-link fences – Bree says she juxtaposed these images of herself with photographic evidence of Kony’s crimes because “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

Hey, good for her, she got involved in a movement she cares about. And while many of Bree’s fans will be thrilled to ogle her one more time and might possibly read up on and even protest Kony’s crimes in their own way, they’re probably just pissed the ex-pornstar with a rather scary impregnation fantasy didn’t actually take it all off like the title of her video, Naked for Kony 2012, suggested.

Misty-Eyed Misti Dawn

“Well, its been a very fast interesting two weeks. My marriage has ended. I could go on why but it just did. I’m sad that it happened the way it did, but it did. Everything that I found out hurts, but I glad I know now. I don’t particularly want to slander and give the details of my life in those aspects out. It just is. I wish him well and success.”

This missive, posted on alt.porn goddess Misti Dawn’s blog on January 24th of 2012, signaled not just the end of Misti’s marriage to fellow adult performer, Michael Vegas, but solidified her need for a significant change in lifestyle. Moving out of the San Fernando Valley in favor of Hollywood, Misti decided that the only way she could attempt to recover from her husband’s alleged deceit – “I found out Michael was having an affair, an emotional affair.” – was to cut her loses and move on. While this certainly won’t please those fans who were hanging out for what seemed like the inevitable DP and anal creampie scenes from their beloved copper-topped nerd girl, this alarming change has thrust Misti Dawn into the next phase of her life and career.

With a role in Max Landis’ recently released fanboy flick, The Death and Return of Superman, and plenty of blogs, podcasts, and random Internet appearances lined up, it appears Misti Dawn hasn’t let the shadier side of porn get her down. She just packed up, pulled out the weeds, and headed for Hollywood looking to sell herself as a face and personality, not just a piece of meat. That story may sound familiar to you, but if there’s one thing Misti seems sure of, it’s that she’s no LA cliche.