Celebrities | Mr. Pink's Blog

How Does Lindsay Lohan Feel?

Professional tabloid fodder, Lindsay Lohan has finally accepted Playboy Magazine’s long-standing offer of a nude pictorial. When originally asked a few years back, just as her star was beginning to wane, Lohan had yet to bare her breasts onscreen or in print and, feeling she risked losing some credibility, was reported asking for a cool million to get her gear off for Hugh Hefner’s infamous publication. Now, after numerous run-ins with the law and trouble with addictive substances, as well as already revealing her breasts in artsy-fartsy photospreads in New York Magazine and Harper’s, it seems Lohan is just desperate enough to finally accept Playboy’s offer – and for a little less than her demanded $1 million, too. Lohan’s equally controversial mother, Dina Lohan, has reportedly confirmed that the shoot has taken place and that it was “tasteful.” Bummer.

After hearing the news of Loco LiLo’s plans with Playboy, Fleshlight, the makers of the world’s most popular male sex toy, have thrown the troubled star a proverbial bone. Like pornstars Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Jesse Jane before her, Lindsay could be the next Fleshlight girl if only she’d agree to have moulds made of her vagina, anus, or mouth. Steve Shubin, CEO of Fleshlight has offered her the $1 million she failed to get from Playboy in exchange for her services and likeness, saying “This is a perfect way for Lindsay to immortalize her body parts and it allows fans to connect with her in a whole new way.”

Anyone else think that if LiLo suffers a few more legal troubles Dina just might push her in Fleshlight’s direction?

Lindsay Lohan is set to appear in Playboy’s January 2012 issue, on sale in December. The Fleshlight, it seems, will have to wait.

Hollywood’s Backend: Analysis From an Unconventional Assman

Ever since Jennifer Lopez’s singing career first exploded into the North American mainstream media, nobody really seems to care that much about tits anymore. Sure, you and I and every Joe Schmoe from Anchorage to Albuquerque still loves a nice pair of chest-mounted fleshy orbs, but it seems the most focus is these days falling lower on the female physical form – to the ass. Some expected the mass amounts of attention devoted to the rear end of Kim Kardashian would be the peak of Hollywood’s ass fever, but then came such notable white girl booties as those of Jessica Biel, Fergie, Jessica Alba, Kate Beckinsale, and Jennifer Aniston. Clearly asses are where it’s at.

But here at Mr. Pink’s we like to give the underdogs a shot. There are, after all, plenty of talented women in the entertainment industry that are blithely discarded from the ‘sexy’ pile and lumped into the ‘smart’ one, never to grace the pages of Maxim unless they’re there ironically. Actor, writer, and champion of home entertaining culture, Amy Sedaris, for one, is rarely regarded as anything but the funny lady from Strangers With Candy. Given the chance, though, Ms. Sedaris can shake her ass like nobody’s business, as this clip from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon proves.

Another under-appreciated derriere in Tinsel Town belongs to 90s teen movie also-ran, Mena Sevari. Although she’s been out of the spotlight for a number of years, Suvari hasn’t let her rear guard down, keeping male fans interested enough to post, repost, and rerepost paparazzi-shot bikini photos from her seemingly endless stream of beachfront vacations.

What of it, readers? Got any under-appreciated celebrity rumps needing more exposure? Leave a comment and let Mr. Pink see what he can drum up. Badoom-boom!

Annie Cruz’s Indie Adventure

Annie Cruz might be best known as one of porn’s baddest bitches – being one of Kink.com’s most impressive resident dommes will do that to your reputation – but the Filipino fuck-fiend has also got a soft spot for some good ol’ indie rock! Ex-Pavement frontman, Stephen Malkmus, with his band The Jicks and Tenacious D’s Jack Black (in acting mode) are among Cruz’s latest co-stars, but no, this isn’t an indie-rock porno. Cast in Malkmus’s latest video, “Senator”, from his Minor Traffic album, Cruz plays a suitably sexy partygoer that encounters Jack Black’s schmoozing, boozing Senatorial candidate at a party and presumably proves the songs chorus “What the Senator wants is a blowjob,” to be undeniably accurate.

“Senator”, a politically-charged tune that features such pseudo-nonsensical lines as “heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy smelter – fuck it!”, isn’t Cruz’s first flirtation with the non-mainstream edge of an industry. Since 2009 she has only been shooting scenes and photosets for her self-maintained website instead of whoring herself out to the majors – something Malkmus’s former band, Pavement, also refused to do. Even in the regularly disparaged porn business, Cruz is known her doing things her own way and being unafraid of confrontation. Her blog, Memoirs of the Damned, reads like a punk/goth slut’s defensive diatribe against the small-minded, sexually insecure, dolts who can’t handle a sexually aggressive woman making a living doing what she loves. And, like the best work of all artists, that’s some inspiring shit.

A Plethora of Parodies

“The Kutch” is now on Two and a Half Men, The Simpsons might be getting its own cable channel, and big-name brands Pan Am and Playboy are the focus of two new shows from ABC and NBC, yet television is still struggling to pull in viewers who insist that, Spartacus and True Blood be damned, there still isn’t enough smut on TV!

Where mainstream TV networks fail, though, the porn industry picks up the slack and the recent onslaught of adult titles parodying television and movie staples should provide enough spanking material for any couch potato. Marcia’s Twat: A XXX Brady Parody came out in May from Powersville, Inc. and starred up-and-cummer Jessie Andrews in the title role. Game shows finally got the parody porn treatment with the blandly titled but lavishly produced Official Deal or No Deal Parody from Third Degree and, in quite a bizarre move, Zero Tolerance brought two volumes of a hardcore (and all-adult) version of To Catch a Predator. God only knows what Chris Hansen would say about that!

The big screen has been receiving its fair share of parody treatment, too, with such horror titles as Official Halloween Parody and Official Silence of the Lambs Parody, superhero-themed Spider-Man XXX and Captain America XXX, the special effects extravaganza Pron (parody of Tron), and, oddest of all, an ultra-violent, profanity laden hardcore remake of Quentin Tarantino’s debut film, here titled Rezervoir Doggz, which replaces the original’s all-male cast with Andy San Dimas, Chanel Preston, Kimberly Kane, and Amber Rayne giving performances of which AVN said “truly transcend… what any adult actress should really ever be expected to be capable of.”