Every year porn studios, sites, and networks clamor to conceive and shoot the most original and most thrilling Halloween porn scene. This year, however, it’s barely even a competition. As outlined in my previous blog, the scant offerings from the pornosphere this year will no doubt leave many looking for a porn site as devoted to Halloween as they themselves are. That site, dear bleeder, is a network: Brazzers.
Having already blogged about Brazzers’ exclusive Halloween series, American Whore Story earlier this month, it’s safe to assume readers and Brazzers fans both do not require an explanation of the (quite frankly idiotic and convoluted) plot. Instead let’s pick up where we left off with episodes four now online and featuring Kleio Valentien in a wild outdoor pussy-pounding by campfire. The climax of the story – you guys care about story, right? – is due for release on October 31st and stars everyone’s favorite queen of decadence, Bonnie Rotten! Finding himself alone with the otherworldly Ms. Rotten, who wears only Japanese shibari bondage ropes, Danny D, on the run from specters and ghouls, heads straight for her asshole and sends her squirting around a hotel room until it’s his turn to explode.
Now, you’d think one five-part series would be enough for Brazzers this Halloween, but the ZZ crew has been pumping out scarily sexy themed episodes since early October. First up was Carter’s Too Old for Trick or Treating, a Teens Like it Big scene starring Carter Cruise, Chanel Preston, and Keiran Lee and sees the young blonde ensnared by by her elders and thoroughly devastated orally, vaginally, and anally after ditching most of her leather outfit.
I’ve heard porn fans refer to Audrey Bitoni as a plasticized doll, but never as the creation of Dr. Frankenslut! A barbaric piecemeal superslut created by the mad scientist, Audrey wakes from her slumber and immediately desires cock. Good thing the doc’s assistant, Mick Blue is around and erect, then.
Spoofing hit movie Paranormal Activity, Brazzers Extra sees the debut of British frizzy-haired ex-mainstream model Aruba Jasmine. With her boyfriend Ryan Rider, Aruba wants to make a sordid sex tape. The spirits inhabiting their house, however, object and make the homemade production a nightmare for the couple. But who’s this other British couple watching Aruba and Ryan try to get it on without the ghosts interrupting, a task at which they ultimately fail. Are they gonna try to fuck, too…?
Released just three days before Halloween, part one of Baby Got Boobs’ World War XXX sees Corinna Blake and her stepbrother Jessy Jones courting their parents outrage by fucking on the sofa. There’s a plague going ’round, though, and it’s headed their way. Will Jessy paint his step-sis’s face before they’re both turned into… whatever the fuck these horrific looking humanoid creatures are! We’ll find out what happens to the fairer of the pair in part two, released October 29, as Corinna, now on the run, encounters fellow post-apocalyptic warrior, Johnny Sins and joins him for some much needed R-and-R (Brazzers-style, of course).
A pair of standalone episodes round out this year’s Halloween offerings from Brazzers, Big Tits in Uniform’s Sexy Halloween and MILFs Like it Big’s Weremilf. The latter scene introduces us to an substantially different Diamond Jackson. When a full moon shines down on her, Ms. Jackson develops an insatiable hunger for human penis. Luckily (for her), she finds Brick Danger nearby and ravenous devours him. Sexy Halloween is a little more sedate, though, and sees Richelle Ryan eager to enjoy her Halloween party as it’s the one night she can dress like an outright sexual deviant and get away with it. That is if “getting away with it” includes being pulled from her barely-there prison stripes and fucked hard by Mick Blue.
Be sure to eat something more nutritious than a bucketload of candy when you’re celebrating spooks and specters this year. With all this incredible seasonal smut from Brazzers, you’re gonna need to be in peak condition to, uh, “enjoy” them all before Thanksgiving arrives.
Sincerely, from all of us at Mr. Pink’s, have a killer Halloween, Samhain, Allhallowtide, All Hallows’ Eve, All Saint’s Day, Totensonntag, Hop-tu-Naa, Calan Gaeaf, Allantide, Dia de los Muertos, Reformation Day, or whatever-the-fuck esoteric feast or festival you choose to celebrate come October’s end.
